You aren’t alone.

Have you ever felt bad, underappreciated, or even rejected? We see others get promoted, chosen, or favored while we feel passed over. These feelings stem from failed expectations. We feel cheated, set aside, and even neglected, while we believe that’s just wrong!

Depression is a complex and multifaceted condition that affects millions of people worldwide. This debilitating mental state of mind may then manifest as persistent sadness, loss of interest, and diminished hope and result in cursing, self hate, and even suicide attempts, which may be a fool hearted way to lash out at others. While physical, biological, environmental, and psychological factors compound depression, a negative, lost, and deceptive self reflective attitude of despair envelopes those who suffer with this affliction.

Unfortunately, the cause is often the burden of unmet expectations, both self-imposed and imposed by others. The Bible actually offers some profound insights into this complex human emotional condition and provides some hopeful remedies. 

Depression is an emotional challenge. It chains the spirit and deflates the soul. It’s an issue of the heart and mind. The Scriptures provide wisdom to navigate the weight of unmet expectations. By exploring Biblical psychological perspectives we can trace how unrealistic expectations, misaligned priorities, and a lack of faith in God’s plan for daily living can cause depression and offer realistic solutions. 

The Weight of Unrealistic Expectations

One significant cause of depression is the pressure of unrealistic expectations, whether placed upon oneself or imposed by others. In modern society, individuals are often driven to achieve idealized standards of success, appearance, or status, leading to feelings of inadequacy when these goals remain unmet. Psychologically, this creates a downward cyclical spiral of hopelessness, self-criticism, and despair, as individuals measure their self worth against seemingly unattainable ideals.

Folks tend to judge themselves by what they think others think of them. In other words, our self worth may be dependent on the opinions of others. I once observed a Christian middle school student encourage a distressed girl who was crying because she wasn’t accepted well by peers. She counseled her; “The only thing that really matters is if you’re popular with God.” Wasn’t that insightful? The sad student’s attitude changed instantly.

The Bible warns against the dangers of placing one’s value in worldly achievements or human approval. If we keep our focus on God, by first seeking “the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; [then] all these things shall be added unto you,” (Matthew 6:33). In other words, all of the disappointments of life are remedied by maintaining a heavenly perspective. Look at your problems from God’s point of view and get on His side of the matter. It’s His mind over our matter.

Another person suggested striving for approval of God, not man. In Ecclesiastes 1:14, King Solomon reflects on a worldly perspective, “I have seen all the works that are done under the sun; and, behold, all is vanity and vexation of spirit.” This verse highlights the futility of chasing fleeting, worldly expectations, which often lead to emptiness rather than fulfillment. Even depression can greatly be used by God to refocus our priorities for the better.

King Solomon, despite his immense wealth and wisdom, found that striving for temporal success without a God-centered purpose led to a sense of hopelessness—a sentiment akin to modern depression and despair. When individuals anchor their expectations in societal metrics, how circumstances impact you, rather than God’s eternal promises, they risk falling into despair when those expectations crumble.

Depression’s Silver Lining

Here is an interesting thought. Depression could actually be the best thing that happens to a person if it brings them to a realistic and healthy realignment of values and faith. Luke 53:32-33, “And Jesus answering said unto them, they that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Those who are seemingly spiritually healthy do not necessarily find the need for a Savior. It is the sins of others or ourselves that got us into this predicament.  Only Jesus can permanently heal.

I understand that serious depression can be utterly overwhelming. Allow me to share with you how I overcame a very dark deep depression in just a few seconds. Is it possible to lift yourself up by your own bootstraps? I did! I was driving and found myself so wrapped up in my problems that I was hardly paying attention to my surroundings.  I was so deep in a personal depression that I almost lost consciousness. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I had to find something, anything, to be thankful for. I just kept naming everything I could. I started thanking God for this and that. Suddenly,  I began to sing. It wasn’t long that I sang out loud praises to God. I have never been that low again and when I start slipping into intense self reflection, I immediately return to an attitude of gratitude and save myself.

Depression may be something you can control, according to the Bible. You can decide to “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me,” (John 14:1). You can decide to “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths,” (Proverbs 3: 5-6). It’s all up to you. This is something anyone can do if they open their eyes of faith.

Moreover, Philippians 4:11-13 states, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound… I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” The Apostle Paul’s words remind us that contentment in God’s provision, rather than striving for unattainable ideals, fosters resilience against the emotional toll of unmet expectations. Depression can arise when individuals fail to embrace this Biblical principle, and instead, allow their self-worth to hinge on external validation or perfectionism. It doesn’t have to be that way. Attitude is everything. 

A person’s attitude is their outlook. If everything is a disappointment, then negativity abounds. Attitude means to lean a certain way. Don’t give up. Decide to lean toward faith, hope, and love, and you will see the train start to move in that direction, albeit slowly at first.

To begin improving your attitude, determine to begin focusing on cultivating positive habits and mindful mindset shifts. This includes practicing self-care, challenging negative thoughts, and surrounding yourself with positive influences, such as Bible verses. I recommend reading sections of the Book of Psalms out loud. 

Here are a few encouraging passages:

Psalm 90:14 “Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.”

Psalm 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for unto You I entrust my life.“

Psalm 23:5 “My cup overflows with blessings.“

Acknowledge that you can choose to change your attitude and mindset.

Take Responsibility for Your Attitude:

Recognize that you are solely responsible for your attitude and its impact on your life. 

Challenge negative thoughts: Identify negative thought patterns and actively replace them with more positive and realistic ones. 

Practice positive self-talk:

Be kind and encouraging to yourself, just as you would to a friend. 

Focus on the good:

Make a list of things you are grateful for, or focus on the positive aspects of your life. 

Practice gratitude:

Keeping a gratitude journal can help you identify and appreciate the good things in your life. 

Spend time with positive people: 

Their encouragement and support can have a contagious effect on your attitude. Often, spiritual frinds in a Bible believing church can help you remain considtently victorious. 

Limit your exposure to negativity: 

Avoid negative people and situations that drain your energy unless God leads you to encourage them.

Create a positive environment: 

Your physical surroundings can also influence your mood. 

Prioritize your well-being: 

Get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and eat a healthy diet. Sleep allows the toxins that hinder optimal brain performance to be cleansed.

Take breaks and relax: 

Give yourself time to recharge and de-stress. No one does consistently well during exhaustion. 

Engage in enjoyable activities: 

Pursue hobbies and interests that bring you joy and fulfillment. 

Practice Prayer and Positive Thinking: 

Meditation can help you manage your emotions and develop a more positive outlook. God answers prayer, so lay your burdens at the foot of the cross, and leave them there. 

Seek Help When Needed:

If you’re struggling with persistent negative thoughts or feelings, consider seeking support from a Pastor, Christian counselor, or prayer partner. 

Beyond personal expectations, the demands of others—family, friends, work, or society—can also contribute to depression. The pressure to meet others’ standards, whether in career, relationships, or behavior, can overwhelm individuals, leading to feelings of failure and isolation. This is particularly evident in environments where comparison and judgment prevail, fostering a sense of inadequacy.

The story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19 illustrates how external pressures can lead to despair. After his triumph over the prophets of Baal, Elijah faced threats from Jezebel and fled, overwhelmed by fear and exhaustion. In 1 Kings 19:4, he cries out, “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.” Elijah’s despair stemmed partly from the expectation that his victory would bring lasting change, only to face continued opposition. His experience reflects a depressive state triggered by the gap between anticipated outcomes and harsh reality. 

Jesus addresses the weight of external expectations in Matthew 11:28-30: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” This invitation offers relief to those burdened by others’ demands, suggesting that aligning one’s life with Christ’s teachings provides freedom from oppressive expectations. Depression often intensifies when individuals prioritize pleasing others over seeking God’s purpose, leading to emotional and spiritual exhaustion, even emotional breakdowns.

Misaligned Priorities and Spiritual Disconnect

Another cause of depression tied to expectations is the misalignment of priorities, particularly when individuals prioritize worldly desires over spiritual growth. The Bible repeatedly emphasizes that true fulfillment comes from a relationship with God, and straying from this focus can lead to feelings of emptiness. When expectations are rooted in materialism, status, or self-reliance rather than faith, disappointment becomes inevitable.

Proverbs 16:3 advises us to, “Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.” This verse suggests that rooting and grounding one’s plans and expectations in God’s will brings clarity and stability, reducing the risk of despair. 

It’s just a matter of trusting God:

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). When we “lean on our own understanding,” it means to just think we can figure it out but that’s possibly the worst thing. God knows what’s around the corner. We don’t. Remember, Jesus walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death and each of us eventually takes that journey. Hebrews 13:5 confirms that God will never no “never leave thee, nor forsake thee.“

Depression can emerge when individuals pursue goals disconnected from divine purpose, as these pursuits often lead to frustration and a sense of futility. For example, the parable of the rich fool in Luke 12:16-21 illustrates the emptiness of amassing wealth without spiritual richness. Jesus concludes, “So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12:21). This warns against expectations centered on temporal gains, which cannot satisfy the soul’s deeper needs.

Furthermore, a lack of trust in God’s timing can exacerbate depression. Psalm 42:5 reflects the psalmist’s struggle with despair: “Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance.” This verse captures the tension between human expectations of immediate relief and the need for patient faith in God’s plan. Depression often deepens when individuals demand instant resolution to their struggles, rather than trusting in God’s sovereignty and timing.

When the onslaught of the enemy is like spears hurled our way, we keep looking up and allow them to stick, not in our heart, but in the shield of faith found in Ephesians 6:16: “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked,” the “Armor of God,” spiritual defense, enabling believers to overcome troublesome times and remain victorious over depression.

The Path to Healing: Replacing Faulty Expectations with Effectual Faith

To address depression caused by faulty expectations, the Bible offers a path toward healing through effective faith, surrender, and renewed perspectives. By realigning expectations with God’s promises, individuals can find hope and refreshing resilience. Romans 15:13 declares, “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” This verse emphasizes that hope rooted in faith can counteract the despair of unmet expectations, offering peace that transcends worldly circumstances.

Practically, this involves surrendering unrealistic or external expectations to God, embracing contentment, and seeking His purpose. 

Prayer, meditation on Scripture, and community support can help individuals reframe their expectations, focusing on eternal truths rather than temporary setbacks. As Isaiah 40:31 promises, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” This assurance encourages perseverance and trust, countering the hopelessness that fuels depression.

Depression is a profound challenge, often exacerbated by the weight of unrealistic or external expectations and misaligned priorities. The Bible provides timeless wisdom, illustrating through verses like Ecclesiastes 1:14, Philippians 4:11-13, and Matthew 11:28-30 that chasing worldly ideals or succumbing to others’ demands can lead to despair. 

Change Your Mind

In contrast, aligning expectations with God’s will, as encouraged in Proverbs 16:3 and Romans 15:13, offers a path to peace and hope. While depression is a complex condition requiring holistic care—potentially including professional support—the Biblical perspective underscores the importance of grounding one’s expectations in faith to find lasting relief. Through trust in God’s plan and surrender of burdensome expectations, individuals can navigate the causes of depression with renewed strength and purpose.

Instead of putting people down, become someone who builds others up. Instead of endless fretting over what they did to you, cut the puppet strings and don’t dance to their memory. Really take to heart the Golden Rule found in Matthew 7:12, “Therefore, in all things, whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” Would Jesus forgive? Ask, what would Jesus do, and emulate Him.

Become Optimistic

Be controlled by the Holy Spirit of God. Ephesians 5:18, “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit. Let Him control your attitude, your thoughts, and ultimately, your actions. Become an optimist and decide to focus on the glass as half full instead of half empty. Remember, that God has called you to know Him and serve Him.

Look on the bright side. Become grateful. Instead of focusing on our own problems, start to look outside of self and realize there are many better and worse off than you are. Billions are dead. Being alive in this day and age is spectacular compared to those throughout history who were exposed to harsh elements. Each of us, traveling in cars, airplanes, or experiencing air conditioning, supermarkets, moden medicine, or the Internet. Place yourself in the shoes of someone living two hundred years ago, or in the heart of Africa without adequate medicine, food, or shelter. We need to be profusely thankful and bloom where we are planted. Keep looking up!

Things Could be Worse

Does it sound trite to say that those who are born blind, deaf, or disabled either mentally or physically, are worse off than we are? That could be you or I. Just the fact that most of us can see and  hear, walk, eat, talk, take care of ourselves, and have a hope for the future is enough to help us begin to recover from false expectations and depression. 

As an example my brother andy can’t talk from birth. He’s two thirds our stature. He can’t even process words. He has Downs Syndrome. Yet he has had a significantly positive impact on our family. Because of him I became a special education teacher. He is always thankful and never ungrateful. Let’s all learn a lesson from him.

The Worst Depression

Look, we all know people who don’t like us and even intentionally hurt us. But every storm, no matter how awful, eventually passes and the sun comes out again. There is only one storm that lasts forever, and that is hell. Even those who die with cancer are eventually released from suffering at death. But a fate worse than that is to leave this disease-ridden body and enter the Lake of Fire for all eternity.

Unfortunately there is something extremely serious that all of us should be depressed about. And that is going to eternity without salvation. The most depressing thing on earth is to know that when you die, you head straight for eternal torment and hell. The good news Gospel is that you can be saved from hell by what Jesus did on the cross. He gave his life’s blood to die in your place. He paid for all your sins.

We all are sinners and fall short of the glory of god. No sin is allowed in heaven. If you have Jesus, then you have forgiveness. But the most depressing situation to ever consider would be to enter eternity without Jesus Christ. Take a reverse course. Make an about face. Turn from darkness to the light. Take the first step. Repent of your sins and accept the Savior.

 

1 John 5:12-13 is your ticket to heaven: “He that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the Son of God hath not life. These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may KNOW that ye HAVE eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God.”

 

The real solution to all of our depressing problems is found in Jesus Christ and His work on the cross. Ultimately, all suffering that we have is the result of the original sin of Adam in the Garden of Eden. I’m sure you realize that we bring many of our problems upon ourselves by our own behavior. But from our perspective, we believe that most of our problems are the result of other people’s actions. 

You may not be able to make peace with your fellow man but ultimately, Jesus heals us of all of these spiritual wounds. He restored peace with God by giving His body to pay for our sins. Romans 5:1: “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” God can eventually turn around the negative things in our life and make them beautiful. Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” Even depression.